A Sit or Two

Yesterday, I sat embraced in a Mindfulness Mantle (Source: https://www.facebook.com/OnSlenderThreadsWearableZenMoments) and felt fidgety. I sat with moments of pure quiet, interspersed with mental fits and starts. I am restless. Catalytic. 

This morning's sit had a similar quality with longer periods of quiet and clarity. Sitting with this idea of sitting. 
Do you ever find yourself in these sorts of metanalyses?

I came to a clear sense of entanglement in my own self image. 

Elevated. 
                   Deflated. 
                                    Self-doubt. 
                                                           Fear. 

I imagine and fantasize that I am capable. In the next moment, I am less than complete and not good enough. Throughout the day, I mill over the image of myself; who I am, who I am not; what I can and can not do or be. It felt important to relinquish, again, and come back to the origin of my decision to sit this year. To be okay with what is. To come to the Circle; and take my place in the family of things, in the Great Order of Life. To remember who I am at the core; and then to quickly forget by dancing into, within and through the Web to the Center . . .
 - - - - - - - - - - 
So I hunt for the word: Catalysis . . . and you can view my discovery from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/catalysis

To dissolve; to loosen; acceleration; the process of decay or deterioration . . . hmmmm . . .

1. ca·tal·y·sis: The action of a catalyst, especially an increase in the rate of a chemical reaction.

[Greek katalusis, dissolution, to dissolve : kata-, intensive pref.;  to loosen; see leu- in Indo-European roots.]
 Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
 

2. Catalysis: (Chemistry) acceleration of a chemical reaction by the action of a catalyst

Source: Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

3. Catalysis: Rare. the process of decay or deterioration. See also change.

 

the process of an agent that affects a chemical or other reaction without being itself changed or affected. See also decaying. — catalyst, n. See also: Change

Source: Ologies & -Isms. Copyright 2008 The Gale Group, Inc. All rights reserved.