I find myself sitting with ease, looking forward to a morning sit, sitting longer. I also notice a mild anxiety at other points in the day as I begin my new work. Contrasting these two sensations, I am really beginning to honor the pressures in the world to be 'excellent'; meaning to strive to excel. I am noticing how much we identify ourselves with our work to feel important and powerful. In my daily sitting, I sense that striving and effort are not the means to the end. It seems that when we show up fully present, and remain true to what we know in our hearts is needed in each moment, the work in front of us is not so strenuous. And the quality of completed work is masterful without striving.
For years I have expected a daily sitting practice to be challenging. For years, sitting was a challenge. I tried on all different styles of seated meditation including special breathing patterns, special movement patterns, using words, phrases or images, trying to still the mind; and I always struggled. But the key is, I expected to struggle.
Now, I am actively sitting still for the purpose of honoring and balancing my body's constant motion. I am not striving to master any particular form of meditation or prayer. And I find ease. Contentment. Joy. And peace is extended a little bit longer each day.
ahhhhh . . .
ReplyDeleteI've lost track of the number of days I've been sitting. And I did sit each day, though some sits were fleeting and unsettled. Two days ago I had a particularly deep sit in the late afternoon as the sun was setting and the room filled with lavender shadows. Nearly 25 minutes later and I found myself writing furiously in the remaining ghost of light, afraid to break the spell by turning on a lamp, recording words and ideas that welled up from the depths of the earth.
ReplyDeleteThis morning I sat as mid-morning light splashed across my bed. I sat even though the fabric of my family was torn last night. At first, I didn't want to sit thinking the practice too trivial in the face of events. Then I felt my body yearning into the balance of sitting. And so I did. Life still has the same jagged edges -- but I can see them more clearly now...and with more compassion.
Tracie, I am appreciating your journey so much. I love the spontaneity and the 'being with what is'. Thank you a million times for sharing...
ReplyDeleteKay, it is always a joy to see you've visited. Please come by often! much love, Friend.