Sitting Day Seventeen

I woke to sounds of giggling and fussing over lip gloss across the hall. I had a decision to make. To face the family and find time to sit later this morning, or to sneak down beside my bed, grab our decorative throw pillow and sit right where I was. I went in for the sneaky sit. I raised the window shade and peered over the mountain of folded laundry to the sunshine, forest and blue sky out in the backyard. Folding my throw pillow in thirds, I sat down.


Because I was just waking, I let my gaze grow soft and my thoughts wander as I acclimated to being awake. The girls grew quiet, and I would find them later watching Saturday morning cartoons with DH. Magic!


Soon I was inside a sweet sit. No tools, no method, just sitting. I continue to discover old ways of thinking floating up, and one common thought/belief has been, "I can do it all" or with resentment, "I have to do it all". In today's sitting, the thought came up that people I know who are in recovery from  addictions, and for that matter recovering from illness, are commonly peaceful, loving, resilient, compassionate and openly spiritual beings. For some reason this week I have come across two beautifully-written blogs by young mothers in recovery living stunningly peaceful lives. I asked myself, "why?" 

The idea bubbled up, "Recovering requires asking for help. . . publicly and often."


Because my life has taken a relatively healthy path, I have fallen under the spell that "I can do it all. And better." When I say better, I mean as a wife and mother, I can do it better than my husband. Or better than my own mother, etc.


Two of the beliefs that I am steadily asking for Cosmic Help (substitute any view of the Divine) are: 

1. I can do it all.
2. I can do it better.


It sounds crazy to admit these outloud but they are very real inside my head. Not my heart, but my head. Which brings me to my third belief, that the head/rational thought, is higher than my heart. Nah-uh. Nope. Bringing balance in 2012, I am honoring my nature as a whole  -  head and heart  -  mind, body, and Soul.


To bring balance, I am finding these three invaluable lessons.


1. Ask for help, often. And receive what comes graciously.
2. Make it public, in a safe and meaningful way.
3. Accept others as they are, in Love.


As a performing artist and teacher, and more importantly a human being observing the lives of my human, and non-human, friends - I believe deeply in the value of just showing up and witnessing one another's lives. This blog is a great example of how accountable I feel to enjoy a daily sit.


Sitting is simple. But I have never heard it was easy. I do believe it is overwhelmingly worthwhile. I believe that sitting may be saving my life.

A & CJ - the giggling culprits